at least my only saving grace is that after 3 years of going on hiatus, Yellowcard finally released it newest album at the perfect timing, just when i need it. thanks gais love you lots. your songs have helped me through times you couldnt imagine ahaha
34days 21hours 33mins 2seconds
so ive actually been lying in my bed tossing and turning for the past half hour trying to get to sleep cos i have to wake up waaay early in the morning to go to the hospital for followup but i guess im still thinking bout this and cant really fall asleep. so here i am turning on my laptop again to write this post while its all still fresh in my mind.
why am i so afraid to lose something that isnt even mine? ironic isnt it. i mean you say it would be unfair to mislead me into a relationship but honestly its a bit too late for that isnt it? well you've told this to me once and so here i am telling it back to you, im not gonna hang around waiting forever. and when the time comes and i move on i guess things will never be the same. at least this isnt the first time im going through something like that and maybe past experiences might make it easier (and so i hope). someone once told me this "You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months overanalysing a situation; Trying to put the pieces together, justifying what you could've done or what would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on." im just hoping past experiences would help me to leave these pieces on the floor and move on. isnt the first time something like that has happened and i guess i should start getting used to this feeling. good things never last forever and its just deja vu all over again. and never get used to the feeling of happiness cos it just leaves you more vulnerable to be hurt someday, sometime when it all goes away.
anyhow i wanna thank you for being there for me in one of the darkest periods in my life, as well as for bringing me into a new dark period in my life >.> i guess its abit too late now to look into alternatives like going interstate but im really praying God has a plan for me there in perth and will work something out for me eventually.
so i guess ive been pretty bored so ive came up with a list of top 5 joys of life
5th: watching movies n shows; they bring me into an alternate reality temporarily allowing me to live dreams
4th: sleeping; a good rest always starts me off well
3rd: enjoying good food and delicacies; om nom nom nom never gets old
2nd: drinking, chionging and suppering with buds; kinda self explanatory
and ofcourse first being
1st: just being next to that one person, whos top joy of life is to be next to me too <3
its too bad im too far down your list of joy of lives or we might've been able to work things out, such a pity.
iHATEyou;
2:26 AM
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Wednesday, March 16, 2011
36days 23hours 44mins 46seconds
alcohol was invented for the sole purpose of handling heartache
iHATEyou;
12:15 AM
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Tuesday, March 15, 2011
37days 22hours 20mins 54hours
When You're Through Thinking, Say Yes
iHATEyou;
1:38 AM
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Saturday, March 12, 2011
40days 1hour 12mins 2seconds
tsunami or earthquake or whatever it is has been screwing around with lotsa sg ppl's net past 2 days. hope it gets fixed soon ARGH! and ffs ive got this fucking swollen gum shit, half of my bottom right molar's covered by the gum already cos it's swelled up but there's no pain yet.. just feels weird cos when i bite down normally i cant feel teeth against teeth now, its teeth against gum and it just feels as if im biting on my gum zzz.. seriously hope its not an infection, might get it checked out tmr if im free.. but i seriously hate the Q at a&e so fking long wait..
iHATEyou;
10:47 PM
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40days 23hours 39mins 43seconds
When I grew up and fell in love,
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead.
Will we have rainbows, day after day?
Here's what my sweetheart said.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
iHATEyou;
12:20 AM
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Wednesday, March 09, 2011
43days 19hours 41mins 10seconds
wed morning 1am, a whole fucking week after the operation, nose starts to bleed profusely and uncontrollably out of the blue for no reason. rushed down to cgh a&e, waited a freakin long time and finally got released and just got home. doctor wanted me to stay at observation ward in a&e but i duwan sia. tmr gotta go back at 9am followup. =.=
iHATEyou;
4:18 AM
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Sunday, March 06, 2011
46days 22hours 6mins 17seconds
this isnt just about whether you wanna be more than just friends or decided not to be, its not just all about you. and honestly people im not that even close with or barely even knew showed me more care n concern or even just interest for that matter in this fucking hard time im going through right now. never in your wildest nightmares would you ever imagine the pain and torment i went through so if you think this is just all about you, im sorry, it isnt. adios amigo
iHATEyou;
1:53 AM
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Thursday, March 03, 2011
49days 14hours 15mins 2seconds
guess there's always a first time for everything, including puking blood and tearing tears of blood wtf. imba shit. was going through so much pain i honestly thought i wasnt gonna make it thought the first night. waking up from anesthesia with a tube down my throat, unable to talk, breathe from mouth or even turn my head. insisting the doctor removing the tube leaving me with only passage for air through my mouth. nostrils stuffed with tampons to absorb blood and wound in throat still raw from removing tonsils, each breath i take the dryer my throat gets. i swear i just wanna get outta here. 2 nights here has drained all the life i have left in me. i hate hospitals so much. this better be worth every single fucking ounce of pain im going through. thank you lord for bringing me through all these.
and thanks to yiying for coming down to visit me after work as well, you made my day so much easier to pass. <3 thanks for the newpaper and mag =D catchup proper soon.
waiting for doctor to come around to remove the tampons, i swear i just wanna get the fuck outta this fuckforsaken place. every min i spend in here makes me more n more stone.
iHATEyou;
9:40 AM
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Monday, February 28, 2011
52days 9hours 56mins 27seconds
If i said my heart was beating loud, if we could escape the crowd somehow. If i said i want your body now, would you hold it agaisnt me?
tmr going cut nose =/ pray all goes well
iHATEyou;
1:57 PM
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Friday, February 25, 2011
55days 22hours 32mins 41seconds
where'd you go? i miss you so. seems like its been forever, that you've been gone. please come back home
-fort minor
iHATEyou;
1:27 AM
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Monday, February 21, 2011
59days 4hours 41mins 5seconds
ffs my grandma keeps asking me why i dont go home to eat everyday.. she keeps thinking i'm hanging with my new gf and keeps asking if im going to her house.
i've changed so much and you've changed even more. is it really possible to pick it back up right where we left off? =/
iHATEyou;
7:18 PM
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59days 22hours 51mins 43seconds
hmm 1 meal a day, diet or unhealthy? havent ate since 11am cos i slept most of the day away luls.
"x comes online"*pops out appears at the corner of my screen* should i click on it? should i talk to x? i wonder what x is doing online. i wonder what x's thinking. maybe x wants to be alone. am i bothering x too often? maybe i am. *stares blankly at x's empty convo thinking if i should say anything* nahh x's probs busy with all her activities. should probs just leave x alone.
hours later.. "x goes offline"
... ... ... ... ... fuck i should have talked to x. now i gotta wait till tmr.
rinse and repeat X10000000000000000000000
iHATEyou;
1:08 AM
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Friday, February 18, 2011
62days 1hour 44mins 24seconds
mom got into a car accident today =/ thank god she's alright. unfortunately the same can't be said for the car. bah gotta go fix it early tmr morning =.= gotta go for another op 1st march, hope things go smoothly this time.
iHATEyou;
10:15 PM
(0) comments
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
72days 5hours 44mins 32 seconds
im sorry but i honestly lost every fucking bit of respect i had left for you. someone please get me a fucking drink right now. so much for all the fucking bullshit you told me, sif you havent fucking lied enough already. so much for all the "it was only a one night stand cos i was drunk, i've no feelings for him" the "i've already quit my job and trying to find another job to get away from him" the "im not contacting him anymore" the "i wont be ready to get into any serious relationship anytime soon" after we broke up. fucking well done, you've fucking outdone yourself this time.
iHATEyou;
6:07 PM
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Saturday, February 05, 2011
75days 3hours 2mins 50seconds
so testosterone boys and harlequin girls
i knew i should have threw that piece of cloth away, after what we did with it. cant fucken believe they used it to clean the floor and the table. i almost puked at the sight of it. those innocent people not knowing what that cloth as been through, what we used it for. oh all the bad memories that it brought back. things i regret, things i wished we never did, things i wish we could undo. but the guilt and scars remain, forever there, deep inside. forgive me.
iHATEyou;
8:55 PM
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